Friday, May 28, 2004


Osama Endorses Kerry

Listening to some Republicans over the last couple of days, I hear constant unchallenged claims that Osama Bin Laden would rather Kerry be elected than Bush.
Leaving aside that they would tar Kerry this way, let me point out this is very faulty reasoning. I think it's clear Osama Bin Laden would prefer Bush be elected. Of all the players in this war on terror, Osama Bin Laden has shown himself to be by far the best strategist. He has us right where he wants us now; in the Middle East, and in force, where he can kill us, and where we are making new enemies every day we're there.
The Trade Center attack, although I'm sure he never dreamed in his wildest imagination he could knock down both towers, was aimed directly at goading us into attacking him in Afghanistan, where he planned to do to us what he did to the Soviets. This was a major miscalculation on Bin Laden's part, but this incompetent administration rescued him from it, and invaded Iraq, where he can, indeed, attrite us and build his movement as long as we're there.
If he could also get us to invade Iran and Syria, so much the better. What fools these war hawks are! Osama does not want us out of Iraq, he wants us there dying everyday.
These are the same idiots who claimed everything would settle down when we caught Saddam, when a little thought would bring anyone to the conclusion that once Saddam was in jail, what do the Shi'ites need us for? I always thought the trouble would just begin after Saddam was confirmed dead or caught.
I'll tell you something, you really can't blame Osama Bin Laden for thinking God is on his side.
So yes, Queda may attack us before the elections, and for the purpose of influencing those elections. Because they're not stupid, and they really need Bush back in to keep us isolated from our allies and making enemies everywhere. And they know that an attack will favor Bush. At least that's what they think, although I wouldn't bet on it, myself.
Just a few thoughts.
We're so on the same page (an anonymous bonehead named jim)
Mr. Brown,

I caught an old episode of SNL last night. You were not on it. I missed you.

I know that may sound odd, but when you were doing "The Big Picture," I always hoped you'd show up on the news segment. My favorite of your commentaries was the one that concluded that trees provide the two most important factors for our survival -- oxygen and books.

So this morning I Googled you, and was happy to find your blog. I hope you don't abandon it; even if you only publish occasionally, I for one will be happy to see what you have to say.

A. Whitney, my man.

Saw your posts on the Kerry blog, and just found your blog via the post on Daily Kos. I am simultaneously pleased and dismayed; fired for insubordination from Air America? Isn't that like firing someone from Wal-Mart for having low self-esteem?

Anyway, you're on my "To read" list now, and please get a gig that pays, soon. It is simply criminal that a bulbous pustule of a human being like Dennis Miller has a gig (albeit on CNBC) and you... don't. On the other hand, you always were too goddamned erudite for Peoria. Using big words in random fashion is one thing; juggling complex philosophical constructs and pithy pop culture references is quite another.

Love your work, A. Looking forward to more.
What's the deal with Dennis Miller? Has he been "powelled" or is he just a total dick?

- miasmo
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hey, I just found your diary entry of Daily Kos about Zell Miller, last of the Dixiecrats.

I loved you on SNL! Welcome to world of bloggers. Keep on rocking, Mr. Brown.
We were big fans of yours on SNL, and am sorry that I've missed most of your later work, especially since I'm a regular listener to Air America (just recently came to San Diego) and viewer of The Daily Show with JS. Sigh!

I agree with the above comments (especially Maryscott).

Do you do performances? Any listings of upcoming appearances? If you appear in the San Diego area, I'd love to know.

Still a fan,
Dan in San Diego
Mr. Brown,

Ostensibly, this response is to your entry on Osama Bin Laden's endorsement of Kerry--an event so far in the past that it has strangely faded from my memory, the same way the date to roll over my credit cards always does.

Forgive my facetiousness. I am not the only one, Vidal and Moore among them, who find, keeping the analogy of the Reichstag fire not inaptly in mind, that the hints that Bush in some way precipitated 9/11 are all too persistent to ignore. Thus, the idea that a Bush slush fund underwrote Osama's endorsement is not out of the question. Saying that Bush had a hand in it is perhaps too blunt an assessment for some. The fair and reasonable money would have it something like this: Bush didn't have to "know" about 9/11 ahead of time. He just had to guard the homeland poorly and it was sure to come sooner or later.

On another note:
You have more access to ears and eyes than I do. I was wondering if you couldn't spread, bandy about, repeat, or steal the following idea for general consumption for me?

I've been looking for a simple answer why Kerry lost and Bush won. After speaking with the man and gal on the street one too many times, I have come to the conclusion that the only reason Kerry lost because he is more of a creep than Bush.

People don't vote on issues. They vote on whether they "like" the candidate or not. And they don't like creeps. It's as simple as that.

I mean something very specific by "creep." It has nothing to do with politics. By that standard, Bush's politics are exceeding creepy. No, a creep for these purposes is "someone who looks extremely uncomfortable standing in front of people giving a speech: awkward, sweaty, embarrassed, pained, highly unnatural--someone who looks like his interior monologue runs something to the effect of: "O, my god, if I have to tell one more lie I feel like I'm going to burst."

By this yardstick, I'm sorry, but George Bush looks more comfortable, less unnatural, less "creepy," than Kerry onstage. And Gore was not a jot less creepy than Kerry. It is hard to imagine, in fact, how the Democratic party would have had to scour the populace to find two more creepy characters.

Thus, I would argue, all the Democrats have to do to win is find someone who can simply act comfortable and natural telling lies on the stump.

Democrats, it must be admitted, have been uncanny in their ability to choose creeps of almost frightening proportions in recent history. McGovern, Mondale, Dukakis--creepy. Jimmy Carter? Perhaps the most creepy president, hell, human being, in history. Was there anyone ever who looked more unnatural and uncomfortable giving a speech? He looks like he's going to cry most of the time. Even when he's laughing. He only won because of a historical anomaly.

There is not far to go to find a counter-example of a non-creepy candidate--Bill Clinton. He looks perfectly comfortable and natural telling the most bare-faced lies.

It's not that Republicans never nominate creeps. Nixon is generally thought pretty creepy. It's just that he wasn't as creepy, or at least as distasteful, as Humphrey. Humphrey may not have been precisely uncomfortable or unnatural, but he was a squeeky bald little mouse. It is a wonder he got as many votes as he got. Bush, Sr. was pretty creepy, pretty uncomfortable and awkward, but who did he have to run against? Dukakis? I rest my case. Here's my complete list:

Creepy Republicans:
Bush, Sr.

Creepy Democrats:

Other creepy recent candidates who didn't win primaries:
Kucinich, Gephart, Clark, Dean, (and I would say Edwards, although he does have a certain slickness that hides his discomfort)

Ideal, comfortable-, natural-, non-creepy-looking candiates:
Franklin Roosevelt
John Kennedy
Ronald Reagan
Bill Clinton

With a view to 2008, who is the least creepy Republican? Schwarzenegger of course.
Whitney...did you abandon this blog?
Perhaps I'll find you on another.
Long LONG time since we talked -
I would love to chat again (since it's been, oh, 20 years or so?) Search Hopping
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Sheesh, a 2-day blog? That has to be a record. And you know it's dead when the spammers move in... *sigh*

...was hoping to ask you about Brownie Breezebottom and also about the prank/incident where you almost got the Amazing Johnathan beaten to pulp by a
Union Square parking attendant.

Would you please write me at

would be great to hear from you....
As a big fan, could you at least keep us posted on what you're up to? Any chance at all of a network talk hour like your antithesis dennismiller?
hi. i'm a vegetarian and loved the quote attributed to you about why you became a vegetarian (hate plants). i put it on my weblog but i don't like misquoting, please correct me if it's wrong or you didn't say it. thanks.
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I've been loving ya nine long years since the advent of the Daily Show, and the only way I can put it is that your humerous political commentary reaches the G-spot of my brain. No other commentator caresses my grey matter like you. So few try, even fewer come close. None are as dry and wry. How my brain longs for the caress of your words....

Wow, now I've found you just to lose you again- you brain tease! I hope you come back here or do something that I can find/see/hear somewhere else.

Surely you'll come back and skim these comments, if only to consider closing up shop- look at all the people who took time out to say that they still pine to hear news of you/your work again (not to mention the visitor count from people who don't post but presumably aren't your political enemies checking in on you). Throw a dog a bone and just post a post.

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A. Whitney Brown -- brilliant and elusive! No new posts for almost 3 years, but if anyone else happens upon this blog jonesing for a social satire 'fix', you can get a buzz from the man and his humor by visiting YouTube. There's a great post of Whitney's "Big Picture" performance on the Carson show, 1988.
I’ve spent fully half my life wondering where A. Whitney Brown is, and quoting his "bunch of meeks" line. I find him on The Daily Show, and he vaporizes. I find him on Air America, and he’s fired for insubordination. I find a blog, and it’s several years abandoned. Nevertheless, I shall take these few posts and build a religion on them. Pretty sure worship services will be something involving weed.

PS: Thanks for the teen porn link.

~ Ms. Pleasure Pie
Wow. You blogged for basically one day. And it will live on blogspot forever. Fascinating.
Come on man - we need you especially the way this stupid elctin process is going. Get blogging and one day you will be THE WHITNEY BROWN.
HOW does one reconnect with an old acquaintance? I think I've blogged more than you!
Hey, Whitney! What Happened To You?

You figure out you didn't get paid for your posts here? Or What?
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